Things I Didn’t Expect to Say

I suspect everyone has had that double-take experience of rehearing in your mind the words that just came out of your mouth and thinking, “Did I really just say that?” Whether it’s in private or in public, most of us can relate to the surprise of saying something utterly ridiculous and surprising. The last few weeks have given me several opportunities for ridiculousness in the things I say, and in a completely new context!

Things I Never Expected to Say As A Parent

I can’t count the number of times that happened when I was a parent of young children. For a while, when they were at the age where common sense, verbal filters, and what might be called prudent fear were in shorter supply than other ages, I kept a journal. Now, I have the privilege of being a grandmother, and one of my own children has been reporting some of the gems that have been coming out of his own mouth. They’re even better.

No, you can’t harness the dog to the wagon and use her as a packhorse.

Thanks for wanting to help clean the bathroom, but let’s not use toilet water on the walls.

He’s wearing underpants. We’re taking that as a win.

Those are some of the more coherent (and suitable for public consumption) ones I can think of from our family!

Things I Didn’t Expect To Say In Knitting Lessons

Those of you who have been following this journal for the last few weeks have been hearing a lot about the Beast to Blanket class I’ve been teaching. This group started on actual knitting with casting on recently, and I had yet another one of those “Yep, I actually said that” moments. It wasn’t the first time with this group!

I’ve taught dozens of people how to knit and crochet. Most of the time, it’s been in one-on-one contexts, and most of the groups have been very small and comprised of adults. When I taught this class before to a similarly aged group, there was a relatively even mix between boys and girls. This group has eleven students, and eight of them are boys.

Please don’t misunderstand me. I love boys. I raised two and have delightful grandsons. The more I get to know them, the more I adore their unique ways of absorbing and exploring their world. The boys in this class are a wonderful bunch of energetic, curious, creative guys I’m seriously enjoying getting to know. Several of them also happen to have a streak I remember well from when my own little guys managed to turn absolutely everything into a weapon.

So, when I handed out the finished knitting needles they’d made earlier so they could learn to cast on? We had to lay down ground rules. I, with a completely straight face, laid out Rule #1: No Stabbing. I have never said that before in a knitting lesson.

To their credit, the volume of the corporate male sigh was low and it was short-lived. One of the boys even said, “That’s why you had us file down the points.” Bingo.

That wasn’t even my first odd comment of the day. Earlier, as I’d been setting up for the lesson, I’d pulled out my big demonstration knitting needles. They’re three-foot long, one-inch dowels that have points carved on one end. I planned to use them to show the class how to cast on. One of my students saw them, and with his eyes huge, asked if he could hold them. I looked him straight in those eyes and said, “No, Student, because they’re not intended for impaling.”

Yeah. I said that. Awful, right? But right after that, another boy walked by and chirped, “WOAH! SPEARS!” Maybe not so awful?

All this only a week after, while passing out finger knitting samples for the kids to handle before teaching them how to do it themselves, I heard myself say (in response to one student’s instant action with one sample), “There’s no time for strangling today, you’ll have to wait until after class.”

Things I’m Happy to Say

I’m happy to tell you that the finger knitting contest was so successful that I had to award two of the larger prizes due to the volume of finger knitting produced by those students. They did a great job.

I’m also happy to report that the students were really pleased with their needles and yarn, and were excited to have them in hand again.

I’m thrilled to say everyone learned how to cast on and I’m hopeful we’ll all be ready to start working on our blanket squares this coming week when we learn the knit stitch. We’ll have two weeks for the students to each complete at least one square, and then I’ll get it assembled for Family Night, when all the classes share what they’ve worked on during the semester.

Things I’m Unsure about Saying

I’m debating in my mind about the wording I’ll use in teaching the knit stitch. Several little poems exist to help new knitters remember the different steps to the knit stitch. For the first class, and with other children, I’ve used the following:

Under the fence,

Catch the sheep,

Back we come,

Off we leap!

There are others, too, that are nice, like this one:

In through the front door,

Run around the back,

Out through the window,

Off jumps Jack.

However, I recently read of a more violent version, and I’m wondering if it might be more appropriate for this group?

Stab it,

Strangle it,

Scoop out its guts,

Throw it off the cliff.

Gruesome. Would I actually say that?

What are you working on today?

Happy knitting!

Kiersten J